get in the shower or i’ll throw this asparagus at you

My parents are old. I begged them to stay home and we all agreed not to leave the house since we have groceries for a week. Dad calls me an hour later right after I've been LAID OFF to say "I went to Walmart for burgers!"

We have no buns. 10 trips to the store vs 1 trip lowers his odds of dying significantly, does it not?

When he got back he just wouldn't wash his hands.

"Well it's no big deal"

"OKAY PLEASE just wash your hands for my sake"

"But blah blah blah"

"YOUR WIFE COULD DIE she's a smoker please just go wash your hands, or take a shower to make me feel better dad"

"Oh come on it's no big deal ha ha ha"

"Please dad we need you to understand. We are scared, just go take a shower and I'll wipe the food down"

"I'm an American don't tell me what to do!"

"TAKEAFUCKINGAHOWERBEFOREITHROWTHISATYOUMOTHERFUUUUUUUCKER"
Then I threw the asparagus.

He finally listened.

Not proud of this moment. Not alone either?