another farting story
I am the kind of girl that has never and will never feel comfortable passing gas or number two-ing in the same vicinity as their partner (yes, I am aware I should get over this, but no, I don't think I ever will). The gym, the office, or basically anywhere else has always been my outlet. Let's just say that now, living in a 600 sq ft one-bedroom apartment with my fiance, I am miserably trapped. I have nowhere to *literally* go. This is not a drill. Thank you COVID-19 for fucking up my entire digestive system.
mom’s house, mom’s rules
I'm 24 and I still live at home with my mom. We have been quarantining for several days now, with me working from home and my mom continuing her tutoring job via Skype lessons. Amongst many other things I do that displease her, I like to smoke weed when I'm done working. Out of respect for my mom's home I always go outside the apartment building to smoke my joints. Last night she called me while I was smoking and said that since I had left the house, and since there's no way to know what I've been exposed to, I would not be allowed to come back inside. She said it just wasn't worth the risk, given that she's in the vulnerable age group . So I slept at my neighbor's house and this morning I went home to get my laptop for work. She stayed in her room while I grabbed my stuff. She didn't say anything to me. I think I'll be allowed back home once the virus outbreak has died down, but yeah, I guess for now I'm technically homeless.
here kitty kitty
I'm getting divorced, but thankfully my husband is not quarantined with me in our house. I live alone with my cat who really likes the sound of my vibrator. It's become a problem. I have to lock her in a separate room away from mine, otherwise she'll sit outside my bedroom door meowing loudly and scratching, trying to break in.
do HR rules apply during a pandemic?
Do HR rules apply during a pandemic? Day 4 and Late chatting via a popular app I am sent a dick pic... Intrigued and bored, I ask for a full body. To my surprise, it's my work crush of 2 years! We have made out drunkenly and secretly during two work holiday events, but haven't gone any further because he sort of reports to me. Corona be damned, Day 5 ALOT of HR and Quarantine rules were broken. I don't regret restarting my quarantine day count. This is my 3rd Day 1
stay home grandma
My 78 year old grandmother who takes blood pressure medication will not stay in her house and I live three states away, so heated phonecalls about not needing to pop in to discount tire while running around are pretty regular. How do I get a woman who has never listened to another person in her life to just stay in her damn house.
no true home
Would You Rather, mental health edition: a Tempur-pedic mattress and a roommate that plays awful guitar all hours of the day, or a shitty twin-sized mattress and a mom that stuffs your face with lasagna?
But how I really feel is like I have no true *home* at this moment in my life.
love on top
My boyfriend has been staying in my 350 sq foot studio apartment with me since the quarantine started. He sleeps until noon everyday while I hop on client calls at 9 am and I just couldn’t take it anymore. On the 3rd day I broke and sent him back to his place because we were on top of each other and I wanted to murder him as he kept sleeping and I had to get up and work.
...4 hours later I called him and begged him to come back. He did.
Can an eligible man knock down my front door and take me
I am in Australia.
Stuck with parents. They are nuts.
I am recently single and was LOVING life until I woke up in a whole new world.
Dad speaking in terms of “the wolf is at the door”- he is of course referencing the 3 little pigs.
Mum has told me to “lockdown a boyfriend in the next 24 hours”, to ride it out with.
Sat on couch listening to them discuss my dating prospects in this new age- mum “she needs to be touched, she’s 25, it’s important”.
Yes- I died. But also aggressively agreed. Dad naturally delighted by prospect of me being locked away from men!
Tensions among us are high.
I screamed “fuck you” at my dad for opening a packet of teddy bear biscuits that I had marked for “stores”.
Can an eligible man knock down my front door and take me.
At this point I’d take the wolf...
it’s a boy(friend)!
Currently 20 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend wants me to move in to his house with 5 members of his family, add me = 6, baby = 7 and 2 dogs.
My other option is stay in my current place, renting a room with 4 other people, 2 who smoke. None of them know I'm pregnant.
Had the full anatomy/gender reveal ultrasound a few days ago but they wouldn't let him inside. (It's a boy)
I've been watching lamaze videos on youtube cause classes have been cancelled.
And oh yeah...I'm a teacher, school is closed, will I get a paycheck? Will I have a job next month?
Will I have to bring my own masks and medical supplies to my child's birth?
Hoping August is better than March.
SodaStream©
Usually me and my husband are very loners and try to make an effort to go out and be social every now and then. We're usually just at home. We've been in quarantine a day and a half now and figured that "yes, separate rooms for video/sound-conferencing is smart". Otherwise... Hm. I am kinda sad for missing that dungeon and dragons game that was scheduled next week. Also, no extra soda :/ Damn. THIS is when you need a Soda Stream.
we aren’t even Irish
My selfish and still very existent plan to hightail it to Costa Rica: My highschool closed on Monday but I predicted that there was going to be a long "vacation" about a week before, so I naturally (not about to stay locked up in a house with the fam for a month in rural Vermont no sir) began looking at flights last Thursday to remote Hawaiian islands. My friend has a house in Costa Rica and offered for me to join her and her family there. Well I proposed the plan for my entire family to meet them in CR, and I was met with hysterical laughing, and also one family member abruptly leaving the house in angry disbelief/shock at my proposal-right before my mom's St Patricks day 'celebration' (just the fam arguing about the nutrition of Irish food and the high carb content of potatoes). I throw the old emancipation card into the conversation and needless to say sh**t hit the fan. Now there is Team Costa and Team Unworldly Meanies (guess who made team names), as well as Team Ireland and Team "We aren't even Irish".
cleaning the shit off the fan
I live with my roommate and we are both working from home.
She bragged heavily about the amount of supplies she had stocked up on, before s*#t hit the fan.
I searched everywhere for Clorox spray and of course found none.
I asked to borrow some of hers so that I could clean my bathroom.
I wasn't used to the foam spray so I guess I got a bit too trigger happy and used more than needed.
She pointed out that I used the whole bottle and she doesn't have anymore.
She text our group chat to tell everyone I used the whole bottle and she doesn't have anymore.
I'll be leaving the house at 6am to scavenger hunt for Clorox spray.
Can't let disinfectant take out my 20 year friendship before it takes out Covid-19
but when he’s home…
I am working from home. My husband travels 6-8 months out of the year for work but when he's home, he does not work. He got mad at me when I told him he had to stop lecturing me on why he isn't an alcoholic so I could get on a conference call. He then got up and deliberately farted next to me while I was announcing my presence on the call.
so long, loving
Just got out of a long, loving and ultimately heartbreaking relationship. Currently forced to quarantine with my sister and her boyfriend who remind me every day of the love I used to have.
I hate it here
a family for a while
We haven't been a family for a while, but we do love each other. Now we are not only socially distancing the world, but within our home we live in distance, each of us inside our independent screen, unconsciously waiting for the sleeping hours. What does it mean to be a family anyway? Sticking together or wanting to?
studying aback
I’m a college junior, I was studying abroad in Italy. I had to obviously go home — the way I found out drunk and in Paris at four AM receiving a text I needed to get on the earliest flight which was 8 AM. I did not sleep I was up packed a bag said goodbye to my friends got back to Italy packed my room and cried through my N25 mask and sunglasses on the train to the airport. I, then get home and my kitchen is under construction — so currently our home has a makeshift apocalyptic-like kitchen in the back of our house. My favorite meal: Vegan curry from Trader Joe’s. Also my dogs shit everywhere because they can’t go outside due to construction and if they want to go we have to take them outside and around the block. I really do hate it here.
gumstruck
My mum stuck gum in her ears. She was working from home and found the household too loud so, all alone in her room and unbeknownst to anyone, she stuck a giant wad of gum in each ear. She came downstairs after several hours of working with gum in her ears, crying that there was gum stuck in her hair. We were all dumbstruck.
curiosity (almost) killed the cat 🐈
My neighbor has an adorable, extremely overweight cat that has PTSD from being abandoned by a previous owner. To help him cope, she lets him out into the yard to wander around a couple times a day. Pretty standard hipster Brooklyn stuff.
A few days ago, our cleaning lady was over and doing laundry in the basement. She has worked with our landlady for a long time and has access to the basement, but we don’t, as our landlady keeps her nice stuff and summer clothing down there and understandably doesn’t want it messed with.
As the cleaning lady left, the cat slipped in unnoticed. Our neighbor frantically looked for her and eventually found her in the basement window. We have no key. The cleaning lady with the key was on the Metro North back to NJ and not coming back to the city until the coronavirus calms down. The landlady’s son is stuck on travel ban in Paris. The landlady lives on the other side of the country.
In the middle of a citywide lockdown, a local hardware guy had to come and try to break into the basement to save the cat. The lock almost didn’t open, but when it did we all laughed like crazy people. The cat plodded out, totally oblivious.