love is a battlefield
It's been 3 years since I moved back to my parents house, an opportunity to save up for my own place. For a lot of people this would be their idea of hell, but I'm different. I love spending time with my mum and dad, more so after years of crazy house shares! The trouble in paradise here is my older sister. She moved in with mum and dad a few months before I did and has been horribly scarred after the sudden break up of a long term relationship. Her personnal hurt has developed into a toxic aggression that has been continuously channelled towards us, the people who are her biggest champions. Over the last 6 months the terrible atmosphere has escalated. My sisters defensiveness, frustration, and anger have resulted in silly arguments amongst us all about how myself and parents should be 'closing draws in a more natural way' (as I'm now told after 3 years that we slam everything) or that its an expectation that we alert her whenever one of us needs to use the bathroom (this rule weirdly doesnt apply to my sister) - which have only acted as a catalyst to drive us all further apart. My sister makes up rules, which are not communicated to anyone else. None of us can have a conversation with her or ask any questions. You will inevitably be shut down. She is a brick wall. The existence of any of her 'rules' only surface when we have unknowingly broken one... usually by the passive agressive slamming of her bedroom door (ironic when you think of the draws, I know).
I decided to call a family meeting, hoping that an open channel of communication could help to mend some broken bridges, and more importantly, make my parents life a lot less stressful. My sister chose this opportunity - the start of a global pandemic - to tell me that she hates me. Nice, right? Do I wipe my hands and move on? Or keep trying to chip away at the facade she has created in an attempt to save our relationship? TBH I still am weighing up my options... is there a silver lining of the potential end of the world? Yes. Shes chosen (after we had to highlight the lockdown situation - aka you cant flit between our house and your fellas...it doesnt work like that) to quarentine with her new boyfriend. The relief is enormous. Imagine quarentining with a sibling who hates you? A person who knows exactly the right pain inducing buttons to press, the ultimate antagonist? No, I don't want to either. If we all survive this, I feel like there is still another battle to win.
love in the time of corona
So I’m 38, I’ve got money, health, good friends, and frozen eggs. Despite living my best life, I’ve not had a boyfriend...pretty much ever.
February 13th 2020 was our first date. By our second date we’d both fallen hard. For the first time I wanted marriage and a life with someone else. Even contemplated moving to South London (the horror). For the first time I not only accepted this man for who he was, but fell in love with the man for who he was.
Then the coronavirus hit. At first it was fun, working from home together, cooking and drinking nice wine (and wow could this man cook), we were fucking literally around the clock.
I felt guilty for being so happy while the world around us was falling apart.
And then it happened. Quarantine. Just over a month into to my first adult relationship and we’re told we can’t see people we don’t live with. Indefinitely.
He didn’t suggest cohabitation. And this super confident business woman crumbled and reverted back to an insecure unworthy child.
And that’s how it ended for me.
Love is nothing but a tease.
each sigh is another reminder
I'm staying with my parents, my brother, and his girlfriend. It is tense. And each night, brother and girlfriend release their tension by loudly having sex in the shower, as if the water will cover the noises. The bathroom shares a wall with my room, so the water covers no noises. Each sigh is another reminder of how I haven't had human contact with a normal person in ? number of weeks, and even worse, I forgot to bring my vibrator. I really wish my parents kept more alcohol in this house.
cause of death: fox news
My husband and I have been married nearly 50 years. Lots of drama. We've been housebound due to snow many times, so being housebound is not new. But with covid19, he watches news all day. Fox news. I find Fox news revolting most of the time. Not as in, "The Patriots are revolting against the Tyrants." Revolting, as in, "The entrails of the cat eaten by the cougar and lying outside the back door are revolting." I'm embarrassed. I'm worried his mind is unsound. I'm horrified - and, I may have mentioned this already, I'm revolted. I can't talk to anyone about it. It's too humiliating. I can't even talk to my therapist because it would have to be a remote video session in my home and my husband is always here. There isn't room here to thank you deeply enough for giving me this opportunity to express my distress. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight without trying to suffocate myself with my pillow.
cheese, fuckin cheese
Today me and my wife got in an argument over why she slices the block of cheese with a potato peeler when we have a perfectly good cheese grater in the drawer, and even when I got it out and gave it to her she proceeded to slice the cheese with the potato peeler anyway, so it ended in a right barney and we didn't talk to each other for the rest of the day.
he laughs but eats
Hi,
We’re definitely breaking up.
We’re in London, tiny flat, just moved a year ago and officially a month ago we were locked down.
I have anxiety, I want to have eggs, hoard food, he laughs but eats.
BREAKUP IN THE TIME OF QUARANTINE
They say, “ accepting the other person as truly as they are , is essential for any two people sharing a bond”. But does that mean rigidity in habits that doesn’t help you or in the worst case , harm you. Is a push too extreme an act ?
Reading relationship literature and hearing from ‘educated’ people say “you never have to push a person or partner to change and have to go great lengths to accept their flaws and even tune into their best/ worst time mindsets” ; have stirred up a debate in me. Never have I ever given it an emphasis until now. All that is said acknowledging that everybody is different and have every right to be themselves.
Does telling her not to place unwashed produce on the chopping board and use the same board to cut the washed produce count as push ?
Does telling her, who has major anxiety and sleep quality issues to limit caffeine intake and not take in any caffeine late in the evening count as push?
Does asking her to cook one day in a week, usually on her day-off count as push?
Does asking her to give a helping hand in cleaning the house, once a month, even on a 70/30 split count as push ?
Asking her not to buy produce even before finishing the previous purchase which is wilting in the fridge because its not being eaten. does that count as push?
Does aiming to help her achieve financial independence by making her not buy things that only add to the clutter , count as a push ?
Does asking her who struggle daily with memory, concentration and serious sleep issues to adhere to a good routine to benefit , reduce intermittent social media time and reducing screen time in the night , is it too much ?
When she expresses her desire to care for animals, get married, have kids, ambitious career changes, etc. and she does nothing at the same time frets over it and needs comforting if matters turn sour. Is it too much to say a few things , however badly expressed as the result of cascaded frustrating moments ?
Can he come to terms with the end of the relationship, over her reason of incompatible relationship dragged on for some time ?. It doesn’t deserve to be judged as right, wrong or put up as scoreboard. But doesn’t it have to be contemplated at some point to self reflect or help us grow in some dimension ?.
Have I learned anything ? I don’t know. I come to some conclusion ? I have not. I’m just ready to move on with that heavy heart.
can’t tell if this is cute or mean
So I just went downstairs to get a snack and my partner is, once again, watching Korean dramas on Netflix (it is all he does ALL DAY). He paused the show when I came downstairs into the kitchen, and asked me WTF I was doing as I was “disturbing” him. I told him I was getting some cake and then would be back up to my study to continue working from home. I then told him that he was disturbing me this morning with all his farting and sighing (the bedroom is next to the study) so he needs to chill the fuck out, and he goes, “Sighing?!” (incredulous). I should mention that he is a frontline worker (nurse in pediatric ICU), and he is used to having his days off home alone while I am at work. Apparently, a five minute interval in his Korean drama marathon for me to grab a snack is a bridge too far in these self-isolating times.
three’s company
My roommate is an administrator at a healthcare clinic. We were both doing social distancing but she announced yesterday that she needs to quarantine in order to keep working. This means that I either needed to quarantine with her in our large 2bdr house and forgo seeing my boyfriend OR leave our house to stay with my boyfriend. (I can't tell if she hates my boyfriend but she refuses to open the door for him when he comes over and never talks to him. Actually, she never talks to me either). The real irony is that she never leaves her room. I'm working from home and I can tell that she spends 10-8 hrs in her room and DOESN'T EVEN LEAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM. How does she eat? Idk but I'm pretty sure she hoards dirty dishes in her room. I can never find enough bowls or spoons in the kitchen because she eats so much cereal. I have 12 spoons (all mine) and right now, there is ONE in the kitchen and its dirty. Every time I come home and see her in the common space, she scurries back to her room and leaves a mess behind. And we have LOTS of common space, even a big yard and deck. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has a studio apartment and a very hyper dog. How are we supposed to BOTH work from home in that small of a space?! The roommate has another thing coming if she thinks that I'm choosing her over my boyf.
turn your other eye to his CVV
Discovered my boyfriend uses my perfumes as toilet spray. I keep them on a shelf above the toilet, 3 cheap Zara bottles and Glossier You for special occasions. His preferred scent is Glossier for even the most mediocre of shits. As I have no special occasions on the horizon I am turning a blind eye.
what a dick
I moved in a little over a year ago with "Dick". Recently he told me to "get out of his house".
He reminds me every minute of every day to get out! Either by text, yelling, turning all the lights on at 3am and has started moving my stuff outside.
I'm disabled, can't work anymore, that shit has it's own challenges.
He wants me leave at night, said I can leave my dogs, come back in the morning before he leaves for work. WTF! I'm thinking he wants us both to get the virus.
Everything's at a standstill now, he says I have No rights, this isn't an eviction, it's a breakup, then threatens to call the police. Try to talk to him, Yeah Right, records everything with his phone, babbling addresses of my ex's tells me to go to there. I'm like..where the hell is that, oh I didn't know that's where he moved..Thanks:) (That is a lil creepy)
For years I've had a "thing" for my "Cable Guy" but timing was always an issue for us. So I chose this "Dick"..
It's clear to me now, I obviously made a piss poor decision with this individual.
Well Rona.. My Cable Guy has great service and
timings good but could you please, please get outta our lives so I can play with his remote!!!
funny title-free
My husband and I are both working from home now. We're lucky to live near the water, so my husband was able to take a much needed break and go kayaking. While waiting in the car for him to finish, I was looking for a takeout app on his phone (which he has given me unlock access to) and found out that he had been on a messaging app soliciting encounters with couples.
When I confronted him about it, he said that's he been so stressed, so anxious, has such a fear of hospitals, of uncertainty, he just felt he needed to do something crazy to release steam. But he would never "do anything" (as if messaging isn't something), wouldn't jeopardize our marriage, loves me more than anything, is of course attracted to me, was going to delete the app tonight anyway. He means it, oh, he means it, can't I trust him?
Maybe it is the stress of the last few weeks.
Maybe its because we've been trying for over a year to get pregnant and sex isn't what it used to be.
Maybe life with me is so fucking mundane and now there is just no break from it.
I don't know how I feel.
in the back of your mind
A quarantined friend asked me, "How bad do you think it would be if I went out?" I said, "For... what? If you need something at the store, I can go!" She said, "Well, for a Tindr hookup." I replied firmly, "NO. Think of your grandma!" She said "Ewwwww!" But she didn't go out.
BDE
I am a Bad Decision Engine. The newest bad decision that was made here was to respond very positively to the advances of my very cute Russian roommate on valentine's day. It was just sex, we're two consenting adults. It's whatever.
Queue international health crisis.
Now we're trapped in together. It's but bad, we get along really well and we work well next to each other. The problem is that a few days ago he made me a Quesadilla after I was done having a total freak out and now I have The Feelings. This is not a time to catch The Feelings for your roommate. We basically can't talk about it (I certainly will not be broaching the subject any time soon), so we move around this apartment...differently. It's a little more like I have a crush on the next door neighbor sometimes.
The real kicker is that he left and came back. He went to Poughkeepsie to potentially shelter with his family because they have like...land and a lake and stuff, but then the next day he was back. His leaving and subsequent arrival home were bookended by the most incredible sex I've ever had in my life, and I wonder if I have anything to do with why he came back.. It felt empty without him here, but also it was much easier to navigate trying not to have feelings for someone who was far away in New York than for someone I can hear speaking through the wall.
I don't really know what to do here, but at least if it's the end of the world I'll be going out VERY satisfied.
a super cut!
"OOPS..." - said my girlfriend, before bursting into the most contagious laughter crisis I've ever seen. Unfortunately, my point of view of all this was sitting in a stool in our bathroom, as she had her first (and last) try in cutting my hair. Happy Quarantines, everyone!
party of 1
l tell all my friends I’m glad to be quarantining alone and I’m not lying but I also just want a gf before i die of old age. or the virus gets me, whichever
spite the face
Boyfriend and I are heading back to his place from grocery shopping when he touches his face.
ME: Careful, don't touch your face.
BOYFRIEND: Stop telling me what to do.
ME: Seriously, it's not safe.
Boyfriend sets down bags of groceries, glares at me, and RUBS HIS HANDS ALL OVER HIS FACE AS I QUIETLY DIE INSIDE.
not quite my tempo
My boyfriend of 6 months and I had tons of travel plans set up all the way through the fall. We were supposed to go on an awesome trip in the mountains last week; things were great and we texted and talked every day about it excitedly. Last minute we canceled bc it was the right thing to do. About that same time he put a note in his calendar to make sure to be available for me the day of my mom’s big surgery (today). A few days later he *texted* me that he needed time and space to focus on himself. Luckily I had many supportive friends who were there for me today instead. (Mom’s okay for now! Just please stay home!)
seeing things
I met this guy a couple of months Before Covid, and we clicked right away. Everything was going super well, except that I had planned a 5 week holiday to the other side of the world at the start of March. Just before I left, he asked me to reconsider my trip, but I shrugged it off, saying, “It’s just 5 weeks. We’ll see each other again in no time!” His response: “I’m not so sure... I have a strange feeling about this.”
3 weeks later, my flight home was cancelled indefinitely and now I’m in quarantine.
He predicts that we can get through this together, and I’m inclined to believe it, based on his apparent prescience.