cut yourself some slack

This morning was a little insane. From Slack messages, to one job to the next and a phone interview on ZOOM (which I was late to what?!)… Shame. I have to do better. I had trouble getting on video because my internet went out. Sucks. It’s fine. Maybe that job isn’t meant for me. Also, it was a reminder to start way ahead of time, and brush up on my Spanish language skills in terms of criminal justice language. Yeah, time to study. They were really understanding, however. They said to be kind to everyone working from home. It’s okay. I’ll take that into consideration. Dad also checked on Jaden multiple times-- to make sure he was doing his schoolwork. And during my ZOOM meeting, my dad crawled on the floor to get past the living room, out of view from ZOOM, and out of hair. Ayayai.

fully distracted by the mid-story flu and cold

A month ago, I went a date with this guy. It was good fun, and it went so well that I brought him back to my apartment that night. Seemed like he was really into it, too. We talked almost every day afterwards, and made plans to hang out again. And then everything imploded. He got busy with work and took a raincheck, then I got the flu, then he got a cold, then the world shut down. I want to reach out and ask how he's doing, but I don't know if it's too much. And of course, everyone's dealing with the state of the world differently, but damn. Life's a bitch when your heart lives in your vagina.

long distance in the time of corona

I had followed her on IG for almost a year and admired her from afar in all of her kooky, creative, and deeply feeling beauty. She is quite active with thousands of followers and posts often. I was under no illusion that I knew her, but I did develop a crush on her.

She is a ceramic artist and a couple weeks before Valentine's Day I impulsively purchased a mug from her website and sent it to her as a gift. I had zero expectations other than to do something nice for someone that I thought could use it.

What I did not know is that my gift arrived at almost the exact moment that she needed it most. Our long-distance romance of 2814 miles moved at light speed, so that in February we already booked a trip to meet in Italy in May. Everything was aligned. The global pandemic scuttled that trip and yet another one that we had planned for June. We love each other deeply and have no idea when we will be able to meet for the first time. Yet we are filled with appreciation everyday that we have met at this time in our lives and in history.

stuck with being stuck

I'm in a marriage that was over years ago. I stayed on the road working for the part so it was like being divorced or at least separated. Now I'm stuck, no traveling, no where to run. Needless to say even as I type out this story I'm looking for an escape. Guess I'll stay opposite of wherever she is...

driving a wedge

I am a health care worker but seeing “non-respiratory” so hopefully-probably not sick people. My husband stays at home. He is paranoid af about the covid. Yesterday morning I forgot about the whole pandemic thing and went to kiss him good morning and be all cute and affectionate. And he pulled away and said noooo stop, what are you doing. It made me feel sad. Bastard.

moms gonna mom

Out of work and living with my mother. She is a TERRIBLE cook but loving and generous. The house is full of crackers, cookies, cakes, chocolate, etc., all inedible. But I’m a diabetic. Just one other problem, she wants what she wants, when she wants it and how she wants it. And if she doesn’t get it, she is relentless. She doesn’t pay attention, blames the technology instead of reading the instructions, and demands that I fix “it”, whatever it may be. Starts things and expects me to finish them. Never bothers to say please and thank you, and constantly walks into my room without bothering to knock. It’s her space but seriously, am I not entitled to a little privacy? A few veggies. Have her finish her own projects and not clean up her mess? Am I asking for too much?

there’s always sperm banks

The other day my husband and I were arguing over who knows what while unloading the dishwasher. He said something about an item he was putting away and called it useless. I told him he was useless. He yelled back, “apparently not!” referring to the fact that we are, yet again, expecting another baby. We both started laughing, ultimately ending the fight.

hair down there

my biggest regret is not getting a brazilian before shelter-at-home. hair? check. brows? check. mustache? check. but i hesitated too long on getting a wax and now im paying the price. i ordered some DIY home wax kits that arrive last night and so far im halfway done (had to take a 24 hour break). it’s a little patchy, but the hair is GONE. estheticians everywhere: i miss you, love you, and cannot wait to be reunited with you

burnt money

Husband is a dentist still working to keep people out of pain who brought home a pile of payment checks. He’s impatient so he didn’t watch the microwave after he threw them in and turned it on for 1 minute to sterilize them. I smelled something odd. The microwave had burned a hole right through them. Sorry but I laughed.

answer: no one

Day 14.

Tried to play the “Who Is More . . . “ game on Instagram, but actually got into a fight over one of the “Burning Bridges” questions. So WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?!

(I’m not sure of the answer; I just know it’s not us.)

introspection

I am a psychologist and I think CV has posed a unique, never before couples challenge....one that I am facing and which is causing arguments in my normally quite peaceful and healthy marriage......Because it's a matter of life and death. For me, my family, friends, my town, my state, and my country. My husband is a bright and caring man, but he can't quite accept that ideally (in my opinion) we should just stay at home, walk our pups in the woods, and not go into any store or be with anyone (especially not in their house) until this peaks and clears. He is not embracing the total lock down concept which leaves me feeling vulnerable, scared, and angry. Even if he isn't 'doing it' (breaking the isolation), he's talking about possibly doing it in the near future. Why? Why can't people just stay in their homes and be safe for one month to stop the spread and save lives? Why can't they get it how dangerous this is? I just don't understand.

my energizer hunny

His introvert battery is fully charged. My extrovert battery is close to dead. The struggle is very real.

let yourself live

My boyfriend of 5 months has been stuck with me at my parents for two weeks now. I love it, except now he knows all my bathroom habits that i could hide before. It’s come to light that I will leave a room if I have to ~pass gas~. So now every time I walk in to a different room then come back he asks what I was doing and winks at me. Additionally he HATES social media and tries to rip my
Phone out of my hand every time he thinks I’m on tiktok.

Can he just let me live my life???

A few nights ago I was in my room looking at engagement rings on my Pinterest because obviously my imagination has been running wild with all this quality time. He jumps through the door to scare me and yells “are you FARTING in here!?” I pull my phone closer in literal shock - I can’t believe he just said the F word. He lunges for my phone “ARE YOU ON TIKTOK AGAIN” nope. He now looks mortified. I looked mortified. What an interaction, thanks corona!

national intercourse

Left my husband over xmas. He still hasn't moved out because he's not making enough freelance money working from home. Our only communication is texts about our kid. Last month I met someone. We snuck away to London on two weekends, and I 'worked from home' from his place a few times and the husband didn't know since I was still going to the office every day. A week ago Friday I was at his flat when Boris decided the UK had to shut all its bars and restaurants. There go my excuses for coming home late, I thought. Then last Monday Boris announced the lockdown and now I'm trapped at home with a husband I don't speak to and a very bored child. I am full of rage and selfishly wondering what's going to happen with this relationship that had barely even gotten started.

a whole lot (cw: pet death)

So this distancing has been going on for a long time since it started both of my dogs have been killed, I burned my hand and accidentally cut my fingers. The other day I was baking and completely forgot about it because I was also watching movies. The movie had been playing for about 40 minutes and these cookies were supposed to be done in about 10 minutes so you can only imagine how hard and burnt they were. I guess the only positives this time are that I have deep cleaned all my space and redecorated. I also went online shopping and bought a whole lot of unnecessary clothes and will have good outfits but it's going to take forever to deliver and I just blew my entire monthly budget.

your mom is an unnecessary calorie

Day 9 of quarantine with my parents:
My mother calls my afternoon snack of an apple with peanut butter "unnecessary calories".
Disrespect the apple, sure. But peanut butter? That I can not tolerate.

2020 b.c.b (before the common bath)

I had to leave my college in New York City almost 2 weeks ago and come back to the south—where I grew up almost in the middle of nowhere. My little sister and I got so bored that we rolled our cows’ water trough from our farm across the street to our house. We cleaned it. Filled it up with water. Then bathed in it like it was a pool. Taking suggestions for how to fix the trough’s leak because a cardboard tampon is no longer cutting it.

flatulence, from the Latin flatus meaning 'blowing,' i.e. all blowed out

I just yelled at my husband to STOP FARTING. I know he’s capable. He somehow refrained for the two years we dated. Which was, it turns out, effectively tricking me. And now, here we are.

to stay mentally

To stay mentally and physically healthy, my friend and I have been going on long walks on the weekends. Last weekend, she and I walked through the National Arboretum, one of the few places in DC still open.

As we examined the map at the visitor’s center, there were two people standing there doing the same. The voice of the man was familiar - it was a guy I’d dated last year. I’d eventually had to ghost him because he wouldn’t let me break up with him. He and his mom were distracted, examining the map. Under my breath, I told my friend we had to go.

She and I took off walking the park in the opposite direction. However, we ran into him again. This time he was with a date. Turns out, his mom was dropping him off for his date (we’re in our 30s!!!). My friend and I sped walked away and we kept a lookout for him the rest of the afternoon.

Luckily, the city still has a few places open to exercise. But, it’s not a big enough city to escape my exes. We live only three blocks from each other, but it took this virus for us to run into each across town.

i can do bad all by myself

Quarantining and snooping through boyfriend’s past insta dm’s do not go well. Do not advise.